Let it bee….

Bee on a dandelion….the cherry blossoms are still a month away

If you have never stuck your nose completely into a cherry blossom, a blossom that burst open only a few hours ago, you cannot know the intensity of joy possible by bees, or by us.

We cannot know what bees know, but if I had to choose between words and the inexplicable joy felt when I buried my face in a fresh patch of cherry blossoms, well, I’m throwing away my keyboard and running away with the bees.

After giving myself to the first cherry tree blossom of spring, I saw a young child, no more than 8, pick up her even younger sister, about 2–she carried her to the cherry tree, to sniff the flowers. She may have seen me do the same thing.

The father, smoking a cigarette, barked at her: “There may be bees in those flowers–get away!”

She slinked away, now fearful of bees and cherry blossoms. Just as well, I suppose–a child in love with flowers and bugs is going to have her heart broken when she earns what is expected of her later.

Crocus breaking through the frozen ground

Not all things are possible, but these things are:

  • You can eat bread, real bread, made from flour you ground with your own hands.
  • You can drink honey wine, made by the yeast you put in a carboy mixed with fruit and honey.
  • You can watch the tide fall, then rise again.
  • You can see Orion tonight if the sky is clear.
  • You can eat pesto made from basil grown in a classroom, fed by light from the sun and the breath of you and your students.
  • You can bury your face in early spring cherry blossoms.
  • You can rake clams, take their lives, and eat them, no matter what sins you have committed.
Winter basil on the windowsill.

What do you tell an 8 year old child holding her very young sister whose just been told by her father that bees are to be feared?

Do you tell her of the honey bee waggle dance? That bees will find her tree, and tell other bees, and that they will all be so intoxicated with the smell of the cherry blossom that she will not be noticed?

Or do you let her Dad stand silently against the tree, puffing on his cigarette, tend to his own children, his own myths, his own ignorance?

Monarch on my finger, late autumn at Two Mile Beach

My Dad is dead. He loved bees.
My Mom is dead. She loved bees.
My sister is dead. She loved bees.
I will someday be dead. I love bees.

Maybe it’s the bees that are killing us. Maybe it’s not. But if it is, I’d still love the bees.

Spine of a dead and decaying horseshoe crab. My reminder.

Occasionally I will stumble upon an exhausted bee, dying on a flower. Too tired to move, but still alive enough to thrust her tongue into the nectar. I leave those bees well enough alone. Should I be gasping my last breaths with my nose buried in a blossom, I trust the bees will return the favor.

The last sound I heard my mother make was laughter–she died two days later, while I held her hand.

The last few hours of my Dad’s life, he laughed. I heard it, and I held his hand as he died.

I did not hold my sister’s hand–she was killed by an errant Christian missionary who left her broken on the edge of a Michigan highway–but I bet she laughed a few minutes before she died. I know she sang. She always sang. Always.

Mary Beth dancing.

Like a bee humming she sang, sang, sang.

Mostly from an older post–but I needed it today.

February light

Crocuses poking up through the frozen earth

February is still here, hanging on as it does, but the light has changed.

February comes from a word meaning “the purging”, and was long the last month for the Romans, occasionally followed by Mercedonius, a month (of sorts) tucked into the calendar to get the calendar back in sync with the seasons.

While we mark our time in chunks set by people who lived a long time ago, people who knew nothing of this side of the Atlantic Ocean, the ancient souls in our ancient brains know the light has changed.

So does the life around us.

The geese are back, the crocus spear through the frozen earth, and the squash from last summer are getting soft.

Last summer’s fruit, this spring’s seeds.

I keep planting, I keep brewing, I keep playing my guitar badly, and I keep getting older. Something has to give.

And it will, but that’s all right. My molecules are vibrating as I breathe, and they will keep vibrating when I die, in one form or another.

(That’s not a metaphor, it’s how the universe works.)

My uke, not my guitar–I’m even worse on the uke.

I just came back from visiting my almost 3 month old grand-daughter. She laughs because that’s what humans do. And eventually I need to get out of her way. And I will.

In the meantime I will continue to sow, to harvest, to cull, to peel, to cut, to cook, to eat.

Vibrating through life

Delaware Bay vibrating under a June sunset.

If the story is true, and it’s as true as we can know at the level where particles can still be called particles, everything is vibrating.

Everything.

I walk to school on a February dawn, where the grays around me look beautiful against the impossibly white snow under my boots. My steps trace the steps I made yesterday–not many people trod through the Green in the mid-February snow.

I have been walking for almost six decades now, past the age my mother walked, and close to the age of my Dad’s last stable steps. Remembering this makes each step matter.

Foot over Irish cliff

So my vibrating feet are walking on vibrating water molecules held in a beautiful crystal lattice reflecting light from the sun and no one truly knows why any of this is happening.

But we’re pretty sure it is happening, and we’re pretty sure it will keep happening for a long, long time after any of us reading these words are long gone, whether we’re conscious or not. I’m most conscious when I am least aware of anything but now, step after step after step after step, the snow and ice yielding slightly with a slight crunch, more felt than heard, and I leave another footprint and then another.

February light, before the snow came (photo by Leslie)

We live by our stories, our stories make us who we are, and too few of our modern stories extend beyond the tiny bubble of culture we find ourselves immersed in, drowning in words with little meaning.

Meanwhile the particles keep moving–vibrating, swirling, more nothingness than matter–for reasons no one can fathom.

So ask me if I believe in God or miracles or Heaven or Hell, and I cannot help myself, I laugh, not derisively but in joy, thinking of my particles, inside and out, vibrating like music, forever vibrating, for no reason at all.

And if particles vibrate for no reason at all, well, then this collection of particles hardly needs a reason to do the same.

So I do.